Friday, April 17, 2009
Bill Murry Impales Woman with Golf Ball & Air is a New Pollutant on Twitter ... Oprah Style
Now Blogger offers a new mode of posting ... TEXT / SMS !!! ((beltch))
With the US poised to move ahead on climate change by deeming Carbon Dioxide a Pollutant , the Big Brother Government that everyone seems to love will be able to tax you for breathing and when your cat poops. It will also mean government will be able to control damn near everything in the business economy. [cap and trade cap and trade] YEAH BIG GOVERNMENT !!! GO GO GO !!!! Obama is also looking into O3 - otherwise known as ozone. If they can claim that is a pollutant too, taxing "lightning" could save 1 billion jobs that the CO2 tax destroys. I say, "Why stop there!" Lets also make O2 a pollutant. We could tax hospitals right into oblivion. I am looking forward to the day I have a chip in my arm loaded up with world currency from my job that the government picked out. {real equality baby!!!}
Guidelines for broader stem cell research unveiled yesterday include an offer to employ unwed mothers in the city. One million dollars per pregnancy not resulting in birth. Reports of 70's style love makin` are booming all over town. My sperm has been sold on the open market for 20 trillion dollars, and I plan to pay back the Chinese with my windfall. That way the next stimulus will not add to our debt that is LARGER THAN OUR ENTIRE GNP. Read that last part once more, and then tell me why the tea parties were stooopid.
The Unlikely Singer and YouTube Sensation named Susan Boyle has shocked the world. I have read all over this proves that you should not judge a book by it's cover. Does this really mean that most people think only beautiful and intelligent people like Brittney Spears hold the monopoly on singing with a golden voice? ((hysterical laughter injected here))
With Oprah Onboard, Twitter Grows to be the greatest media of all times. The only liberal left to join is out hatching eggs in Madagascar, and is being brought a satellite with mobile web. Praise the Lord! ... (ooops, I mean all the religions except THAT one). Of course we all know that Ashton Kutcher is the king of Twitter . This is because he posts up fake photos of his wife Demi in underware. What a genius .......
Actors' Union and Studios Agree on Tentative Deal !! The Screen Actors Guild has reached a tentative agreement on a new contract with a coalition of major Hollywood movie and television studios, the two sides announced on Friday. Gee wiz, I thought I might have to end my life .... thank HOLLYWOOD for saving us all. Honestly, I think we should all go on strike AGAINST Hollywood until I can see a movie and get a pop for less that 2 billion dollars. Let some new actors that work cheap fill in for a while. If Brad and Angelina disappeared, I really would not notice anyway.
Bill Murray's errant tee shot strikes woman in her yard. Yes, it is true, Bill's golf ball was hit so poorly that it sent an innocent woman to the hospital. Cinderella story ... he's got the four iron ... the crowd is going wild ... the golf ball ricochets of the woman's skull .... and goes in the hole ... another Masters win.
Murray came back to Mrs. DiMaggio's backyard the next day of the ProAM tournament and asked her how she was feeling. She said the only thing she wanted from the actor was his autograph on a copy of "Caddyshack," the mad mad golf comedy from 1980. Wait a moment ... 1980 !?!!! That was 29 years ago. Good cats I am getting old. Ehhh - who cares.
footnotes: infomation on taxing natural elements found at biggov.com
READ MORE ABOUT CAP AND TRADE: The Cost of Global Warming: A Story in Pictures