Speedcat: Sweetheart, for our anniversary this year, I have a SPECIAL surprise for you. After we open this bottle of Champagne I'll tell you all about it.
Alice: Ohh Speedy, I am so excited!
Ed Norton: Hey Hollydale, looks like you got ripped off again. This is a cheap fortified sparkling wine ... HA .... ahhh HA HAAA!
Speedcat: SHUUUUUUUUDUP
Trixie Norton: Alice, it's funny how the boys bring home wine when they know we do not drink. I think they are always trying to trick us into something ... and happy anniversary Alice
Speedcat: Time to let the cat out of the bag. Alice, I bought us a chicken farm. Of course, if any of the chickens ever get sick, it'll be my responsibility to go and visit them.
Alice: Oh, that is a very important responsibility, Speedcat. You better start now and find out what the visiting hours are at Bellevue.
Speedcat: That did it, Alice - that did it. You have just broken the camel's back with that straw. You have ridiculed me and my poultry ranch. You have just made fun of something very big that's close to my heart.
Alice: The only thing big that's close to your heart is your stomach. I also know who you bought the chickens from Speedcat, and they are all old and worthless.
( Speedcat paces back and forth in the room for a minute )
Speedcat: I have - I've got an explanation. A perfect one. I'm a dope. Not a run-of-the-mill dope, the world's champ. For years I've been talking for granted the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me - you. I've never shown you the appreciation you deserve, Alice. You could walk outta that door right now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something better than me. There are a million guys who'd give you anything if they could have a girl like you.
Alice: Ralph, I don't want a million. There's just one guy I want ... you.
Speedcat: Baby, you're the greatest !! Har har, hardee har har! Bang, zoom! Hamana-hamana-hamana-hamana.
Ed Norton: Sheesh. What a NUT.
