It was a bad year at work, and something inside me snapped. Before I had a chance to reconcile with my brash, emotional reasoning, pure impulse led me out the door. I quit my job that day, and lit all the cars on fire in the parking lot. Great fun sure, but the explosions destroyed my own car, and I found myself on the run. I had arrest warrants in 57 states. I always thought there were 50, but the Marlboro smoking president said we have 57. That's when I fueled up the hog and called the old gang.
It had been decades since my last run, so you imagine my shock to find out the Hollarottons Motorcycle gang was still together. Time changes everything, even hairlines, but out on the open road time stands still. They were still in the illegal tortilla chip racket, and had a pipeline of cargo being shipped daily. The men on bikes were there to make sure that the county roads remained "open". If you have ever seen 99c Doriteetios at the dollar store, you have seen the contraband. Of course before re-packaging, dope was added to the powdered cheese. Once you start eating Doriteetios, you may never stop. It has been said they are the most addictive snack chip on the planet.
I used to ride out in front, like the first goose in the V, but part of being reinstated to the gang meant being last for a few days. This made my blood boil. Call me crazy, call me a loose cannon, whatever you want to call me, but this pushed me to subversive tactics. I beat the crap out of every last one of the Hollarotton bikers. It felt good to blow off some steam.
With a fresh new attitude, and a full tank of stolen gas, I set out to find me a new bride. I did not want to pick out a rotten woman again, so I jotted down a few prerequisites ...1. loves outdoors and camping
2. writes poetry about wind
3. likes bearded outlaws
4. happy in boots, happy in heels
5. wears too much make-up
5. colored hair a plus
6. smells good wearing leather
7. has teeth / or a good set of dentures
8. likes to french in the moonlit canyons
9. not afraid to take turns driving
10. hates socialism
