Sunday, November 1, 2009

Where do I go from here?



Cantina of loneliness and heartbreak
I remember the first time I heard the song, as it took me by surprise. My heart stirred as I listened to the melody, and felt the ocean breeze warmly blow across my face. There were not many in the hotel cantina, just me and a few tourists. My travels were not personal, yet at this moment in time I felt as though I was on an adventure.

Fire dazzle sunset over the ocean
I was standing under the canopy that connected the main bar and the beach area ... somewhat like the perfect segue from relaxation to paradise.
As the song ended, I felt suddenly alone. That's when my eyes caught hers.
My initial reaction was to shyly turn away, but I could not. I was captivated as she flowed across the room. She smiled in my direction - and it sent a shiver down my spine. She sat at the bar and started a conversation with an older couple wearing floral printed shirts and shorts.
A laugh erupted from somewhere inside of me as I reflected on my boyish reaction to her beauty. I felt so young as I turned to walk out towards the ocean and feel the light spray dance across my skin.
The sun was just about below the horizon, when it appears as a bright orange glow. I swallowed the last of my grapefruit juice and jostled the ice with my straw. Seemed to be a good way to end Love gone wrong by colonmy day and return to my room.

Turning back, to my surprise, there was the mystery woman right behind me. "There is nothing better than the sun going down into the Pacific", she said.
My best reply was, "I know, couldn't agree more".
My mind raced. Surely you can come up with something better than that, I thought.
Before a new sentence could form, she reached out her hand to mine.
"I haven't danced in such a long time ... care Empty dance floor with no loveto join me inside?", she charmingly requested.
I said, "That would be nice"
As we stepped onto the dance floor, the music was just ending. To my delight, a slow romantic song began. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and I lightly placed my hands on her hips.
As we swayed back and forth she ran her fingers across the back of my neck. It sent an electric shiver through my body. I looked into her, not at her, and saw sweetness and charm. Confidence mirrored by humility, and strength coupled with a soft feminine glow.
Have you ever experienced a moment in time when past and future seem to dissipate? I felt weightless, subdued, and passive. The world around me could crash to pieces, and I would still be focused to the temporal connection at hand.

The night ended outside waiting for a taxi to whisk her away to the airport. As we kissed, the rain began to fall. Neither of us seemed to care. Water streamed down my face, across my lips and hers. We were soaked by the time the car pulled in. We smiled at each other, we laughed, and said goodbye.

Days later I received a letter. It described a woman lost, lonely, and abandon by another. It explained a long story full of sadness and rejection. It also stated the notion that reconciliation was to ensue. I knew that I would never see her again.
I have replayed the night with her countless times in my mind ... like watching a movie hoping that the ending would somehow be different. Tonight, once again, I am alone.

lonely night rain

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