Its the first game of the Soccer World Cup, Brazil v Scotland.Ronaldo says to his team mates 'this should be easy, you lot go down the pub and i will play them on my own'.
So all the others go down the pub and watch the game on the TV.
After 3 minutes ..GOAL.. its Brazil 1 Scotland 0...Ronaldo 3min.
They decide to switch off the TV and enjoy the drinking. After the game they switched back on to find the final score Brazil 1 Scotland 1. Ferguson had scored in the 89th minute.
'Not too bad' said the brazil team,' he has done really well by himself'.
10 minutes later Ronaldo walked into the pub and started to apologise. 'Not to worry you done really well by yourself' 'no no i really let u down' Ronaldo said. 'I got sent off after 12 minutes'.
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed." The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the West Coast Eagles game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game. The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Eagles score, my dog does flips." The Eagles keep scoring goals (6 points) and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Eagless score a behind (1 point)?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs. And the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my freakin' ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some idiot puts a swimming cap on me!"
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge.
"What's that?" she asked, pointing at his shorts.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh my gosh," said the girl sympathetically... ,that must be very painful . . . . I had tennis elbow once!"
Socceroos goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer was walking along a street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smo
ke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby."Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"
A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. Then Schwarzer, stepped forward. "I'm the Number 1 goalie of the Socceroos," he called to the woman. "I'm renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."
The woman agreed. "Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as Mark Schwarzer lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as Schwarzer caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.
During Perth Glory's pre-season training, one of their strikers married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star striker, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the striker. "But, she's much better!"
Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a cricket match, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing? I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"
"Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Ricky Ponting gets laid?"
A teacher asks her students if they're Essendon fans.
All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"
"Collingwood" Bobby replies.
"Why's that?" asks the teacher.
"Well, my parents are both Collingwood fans, so I'm a Collingwood fan too." he reples.
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" the teacher asks.
Bobby replies, "No, that would make me an Essendon fan!"
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Mate" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"I can't even understand what you are saying." says the old man.
"The boy replies, "You have to kepp the worms warm."
