Why do doctors wear masks?
Because if they make a mistake,the person won't know who did it.
What do you call a doctor with 8 arms?
A doctopus.
Why did the doctor tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he did not want to wake the sleeping pills!
Doctor,Doctor,I'm turning into a trash can.
Don't talk such rubbish.
Doctor,Doctor,I swallowed a roll of film.
Don't worry,nothing will develop.
Doctor,Doctor,I have a running nose.
You'd better tie it up then.
Doctor,Doctor,I dreamed that I ate a large marshmallow.
Did you wake up without a pillow?
Doctor,Doctor I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.
Well get back in
the queue.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Doctor jokes
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Jokes about music and the performing arts
What song did the Beatles sing to the pig farmer?
"I wanna hold your ham".
Which Beatles song is about their favourite vegetbale?
"Peas Please me".
Why did MTV give Tutankhamen a music award?
He was the original king of wrap.
Mellie:"Did you ever hear of Al Bee Jackson?"
Kellie:"No.Who was he?"
Mellie:"An Insect who starred in the movie 'The Jazz Stinger'."
What is Elvis Monster's favourite hit song?
"Love you too munch".
Why couldn't the turkey play in the rock band?
He forgot to bring his drumsticks.
Customer:"Where can I find an assortment of classical music?"
Clerk:"Go through the Bach door."
Which cat is a famous rock star?
Mewdonna.
What do you call 2 bees,a wasp and a hornet with violins?
A sting quartet.
Guard:"Elvis is visiting the prison and he wants Chinese food for lunch.What should we do?"
Warden:"Quick!Somebody get the jailhouse wok!"
Who can cash cheques while shooting an apple off his son's head?
William Teller.
Fred:"I come from a music family"
Barney:"I never knew that."
Fred:"Oh yes.Dad drummed his fingers,Auntie Mae blew her nose and
Grandpa fiddled with his beard."
What did the little chicks call their famous rock band?
"The Red Hot Chili Peepers".
"I wanna hold your ham".
Which Beatles song is about their favourite vegetbale?
"Peas Please me".
Why did MTV give Tutankhamen a music award?
He was the original king of wrap.
Mellie:"Did you ever hear of Al Bee Jackson?"
Kellie:"No.Who was he?"
Mellie:"An Insect who starred in the movie 'The Jazz Stinger'."
What is Elvis Monster's favourite hit song?
"Love you too munch".
Why couldn't the turkey play in the rock band?
He forgot to bring his drumsticks.
Customer:"Where can I find an assortment of classical music?"
Clerk:"Go through the Bach door."
Which cat is a famous rock star?
Mewdonna.
What do you call 2 bees,a wasp and a hornet with violins?
A sting quartet.
Guard:"Elvis is visiting the prison and he wants Chinese food for lunch.What should we do?"
Warden:"Quick!Somebody get the jailhouse wok!"
Who can cash cheques while shooting an apple off his son's head?
William Teller.
Fred:"I come from a music family"
Barney:"I never knew that."
Fred:"Oh yes.Dad drummed his fingers,Auntie Mae blew her nose and
Grandpa fiddled with his beard."
What did the little chicks call their famous rock band?
"The Red Hot Chili Peepers".
History jokes
What does King Arthur and Sir Lancelot watch at 6 o'clock every day?
"The Knightly News".
What does king Arthur use to play golf?
Knight clubs.
Which cat discovered America?
Christopurr Columbus.
Which foundation did Butch Cassidy and Billy the Kid belong to?
The WWF (World Rustling Federation).
Why is it so wet in England?
Because kings and queens have always reigned there.
Which US president had a hard shell?
Abraclam Lincoln.
"The Knightly News".
What does king Arthur use to play golf?
Knight clubs.
Which cat discovered America?
Christopurr Columbus.
Which foundation did Butch Cassidy and Billy the Kid belong to?
The WWF (World Rustling Federation).
Why is it so wet in England?
Because kings and queens have always reigned there.
Which US president had a hard shell?
Abraclam Lincoln.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Monster jokes
How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away the W!
What is a ghoul's favourite ride at the amusement park?
The Roller-Ghoster!
Where is Dracula's office located in New York City?
The Vampire State Building!
Why can't the invisible student pass school?
The teacher always marked him absent!
What is a ghost's favourite bed-time story?
"Little Boo Peep"!
What does a ghost do when he gets into a car?
He puts his sheet-belt on!
Why do skeletons play the piano in church?
Because they have no organs!
Which bear goes around scaring other animals?
Winnie the Boo!
Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Take away the W!
What is a ghoul's favourite ride at the amusement park?
The Roller-Ghoster!
Where is Dracula's office located in New York City?
The Vampire State Building!
Why can't the invisible student pass school?
The teacher always marked him absent!
What is a ghost's favourite bed-time story?
"Little Boo Peep"!
What does a ghost do when he gets into a car?
He puts his sheet-belt on!
Why do skeletons play the piano in church?
Because they have no organs!
Which bear goes around scaring other animals?
Winnie the Boo!
Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Sea Bass Fishing Tips
Sea bass are a favorite of fisherman in coastal areas. Because sea bass grow to as much as 8 pounds, they are large enough to put up a good fight once they are on the line. They also provide an abundant food source for those who can manage to get one in the boat. Although catching sea bass can be challenging, following some basic tips can make it easier.
Seasonal Temperature Considerations
Take seasonal temperatures into account. Sea bass and most other fish will come closer to shore during colder months because the shallower water is warmer. During warm months, they will retreat into slightly deeper water, which is cooler and more comfortable. It should be noted that sea bass feed heavily just before a cold front arrives, then slow their feeding until a few days after it has passed.
Fishing in Different Weather Conditions
Consider the weather conditions. Bad weather also can drive fish into deeper water. Deep water is less turbulent and not as badly affected by surface rain as shallow water. If it is raining, expect to fish deep waters to catch sea bass. Many fishermen recommend using only live bait if it is raining because the fish will be on heightened alert and less likely to lunge for a brightly colored lures.
Where do Sea Bass Gather
Choose the right location. Sea bass usually feed near the edges of reefs and underwater wrecks. Smaller fish make their habitat on the deep sides where these structures drop. Bass feed on the smaller fish. Knowing where reefs and shipwrecks are located can give you an advantage when fishing for sea bass. Check local bait shops or talk to fisherman in the area and ask where their favorite places to fish are located.
What Bait Attracts Sea Bass
Use the right bait to increase your chances of catching a lot of sea bass. There are a large number of lures and weighted jigs on the market that are specifically designed for sea bass fishing. Many seasoned fishermen recommend using squid for bait. Cut the squid into strips that are around 4 inches long and place them on a snelled hook. These are fish hooks attached to a leader line with a loop at the top, which allows you to float the snell behind other lures. Leave a length of squid hanging from the hook like a tail and lure the sea bass.
Follow the Rules
Familiarize yourself with local regulations before fishing for sea bass. There is typically a limit on the number of fish that can be caught without a commercial fishing license. In most states this limit is 25 sea bass per person per day. There also might be minimum size requirements based on how much the fish weighs or how long it is from head to tale. Call the telephone number on the back of your fishing license to ask a wildlife official about local regulations for catching sea bass.
Seasonal Temperature Considerations
Take seasonal temperatures into account. Sea bass and most other fish will come closer to shore during colder months because the shallower water is warmer. During warm months, they will retreat into slightly deeper water, which is cooler and more comfortable. It should be noted that sea bass feed heavily just before a cold front arrives, then slow their feeding until a few days after it has passed.
Fishing in Different Weather Conditions
Consider the weather conditions. Bad weather also can drive fish into deeper water. Deep water is less turbulent and not as badly affected by surface rain as shallow water. If it is raining, expect to fish deep waters to catch sea bass. Many fishermen recommend using only live bait if it is raining because the fish will be on heightened alert and less likely to lunge for a brightly colored lures.
Where do Sea Bass Gather
Choose the right location. Sea bass usually feed near the edges of reefs and underwater wrecks. Smaller fish make their habitat on the deep sides where these structures drop. Bass feed on the smaller fish. Knowing where reefs and shipwrecks are located can give you an advantage when fishing for sea bass. Check local bait shops or talk to fisherman in the area and ask where their favorite places to fish are located.
What Bait Attracts Sea Bass
Use the right bait to increase your chances of catching a lot of sea bass. There are a large number of lures and weighted jigs on the market that are specifically designed for sea bass fishing. Many seasoned fishermen recommend using squid for bait. Cut the squid into strips that are around 4 inches long and place them on a snelled hook. These are fish hooks attached to a leader line with a loop at the top, which allows you to float the snell behind other lures. Leave a length of squid hanging from the hook like a tail and lure the sea bass.
Follow the Rules
Familiarize yourself with local regulations before fishing for sea bass. There is typically a limit on the number of fish that can be caught without a commercial fishing license. In most states this limit is 25 sea bass per person per day. There also might be minimum size requirements based on how much the fish weighs or how long it is from head to tale. Call the telephone number on the back of your fishing license to ask a wildlife official about local regulations for catching sea bass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
