One thing I hear all the time here at my blog, "Where is Hollydale and what is it like??"
I decided to profile the people and social elements contained here in my home town. I guess it's a lot like any other place, except for being full of crazy folks. I seem to fit right in.
Hugh Heftnera is known as the "Captain" at the Berkshire Retirement Home. He is the hottest bachelor in the community, and still can dance for more than 5 minutes. Nurses hate him, Berkshire resident women want him!
Barry Obanater is a council member and gives speeches in the park every Saturday afternoon. He once told me that all the police in Hollydale are all Jewish Zionists.
Gwen Palterini runs the photography studio in town. She always ties to put me in front of the blue background canvass ... I think it's because I spilled a malt on her Gloria Vanderbilt jeans in 1985. They were nice, in retrospect.
Nicki Richmond is the town gossip .... always spreading rumors and shows up at Tupperware parties un-invited. She works at the Wendy's drive thru, and passes out her number inside the hamberger bags. (OK - I called her once) We crashed the Olgen Twins party and Frenched in the driveway.
Claven Akens is a teacher that stays late after class and preforms for an audience that is not there. He claims to have the hottest burlesque show West of Madison Wisconsin. The whole town is afraid of him.
The Olsen twins are dynamos! They operate two clothing stores and the Orange Julius. Legend has it that Katie can down 76 oz. of "Julius" in 5 seconds. Some people think they are aliens ... including me. I could never tell them apart untill last year, when "One of them" turned goth. Freaky!!!
Micky Dougman runs the local car lot, and married his brothers daughter. Folks are not to hip with this marriage, but who wants to ruin a deal on a Buick? He sold me a Yugo last week for 65 easy payments ... not a bad guy really, bur he's always looking in the mirror fixing his hair.
You may recognize this fellow - YEP! It's me, Speedcat Hollydale. I work at the Bushes Chicken restaurant on main street. Back when I was having "Wordless Chicken Tuesday" on my blog, the manager let me advertise on the lighted outdoor sign. (The 50c tea was my idea too) I plan to manage the place by 2011. When I do, chicken wings will be free Tuesday nights. A man can dream, right?
Oraca Winsted is the greatest wash and set girl in the entire county. Fast?? She works on two heads at once. Some claim that she completed 178 hairdoos one Friday afternoon. She is like a celebrity here in Hollydale, and sells books. (crappy ones)
Ahhh yes, nurse Paula Hiltenger. She has ruined more marriages than a bad case of sleep apnea! Everyone avoids her, but by some crazy twist of time and space all the local men go hog wild when she walks in to the Hollydale Tavern. I suppose, when you dance on the bar for vodka gimlets ... that will happen. One time during a physical for the DOT, she tried to stick a rectal thermometer in my rear ...(BUM). I now go to Fentonship City for any medical work. (yah yah ... I bought her a gimlet once, but I'm not proud of THAT)
Madelin has no last name, and nobody really knows where she came from. She sings all day in her apartment, and then goes outside to talk to the bushes. I think she is an alien too.
Last but not least, the Simpsenz are the new bankers in town. They hold the note on my 65 easy payment for the car I bought from Micki Dougman. I think they plan on repossessing it!! I always park in the back lot of the Kwik Mart behind the dumpster. I don't like them much, and think they both wear to much eye liner.
Madelin has no last name, and nobody really knows where she came from. She sings all day in her apartment, and then goes outside to talk to the bushes. I think she is an alien too.
Last but not least, the Simpsenz are the new bankers in town. They hold the note on my 65 easy payment for the car I bought from Micki Dougman. I think they plan on repossessing it!! I always park in the back lot of the Kwik Mart behind the dumpster. I don't like them much, and think they both wear to much eye liner.There is ONE MORE character from Hollydale here: Shazam! A Man's Cream For A Man's Face!
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