Because there is no atmosphere on the moon!
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate.
Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea.
Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site.
When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer."
He was also admitted.The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in.
Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."
It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.
The Judges' scores read: England: 5.8 USA: 5.9 Russia: 5.9 Australia: 5.9 Ireland: 6.0
Next comes the Australian competitor in a sparkling green and gold costume, skating to some rock and roll music. The Aussie gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple spin and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.
The Judges' scores read: England: 5.8 USA: 5.7 Russia: 5.6 Australia: 5.9 Ireland: 6.0
Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his willies. He skates to U2's 'Beautiful Day'. As it starts, he reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.
The Judges' scores read: England: 0.0 USA: 0.0 Russia: 0.0 Australia: 0.0 Ireland: 6.0
The other 4 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the heck can you give that mess 6.0???!!"
To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, it's darn slippery out there."
