Hongrak Kwon
Bump
E603A
22 September 2009
My Totem Animal: Cheetah and Horse
I sat down, clicked play, and began my meditation. As I listened to the constant drum beat going, “tong, tong, tong, tong, tong…,” I reached a peaceful state, and with the sound of mesmerizing male voiceover, I embarked on my journey to find my totem animal. While meditating, I went down canyons and into the light to arrive at a forest. Many animals appeared to me, but I think I knew, even before I went on this spiritual journey, that horse is my totem animal. A brown horse with white diamond shape on the forehead showed up a fourth time, and I knew for sure that she was my power animal. Actually, if I went on this journey eight years ago, I am not sure if my totem animal would have been a horse. Spiritual presence of a horse has always been there, but it was not as great as it is now. Honestly, if I went on this spiritual journey eight years ago, I believe my totem would have been a cheetah. Sure, horse was still there in the back of my mind as a young kid, but presence of a cheetah outweighed the presence of horse by far. Many things changed when I moved from Korea to the United States, and change of totem animals would explain some of the changes within me.
Born and raised in Seoul, Korea, I had nothing to do with animals as a child. In a city like Seoul, it is hard to see an animal other than the typical dogs and cats. Nevertheless, I always had a thing for horses; I don’t know what it is, but I just like them. Perhaps it has something to do with my Chinese zodiac being a horse. I always wanted to learn to ride horses and begged my mom daily; sadly, I had to satiate my desire with the horse riding simulations on top of a plastic horse. This love for horse, however, was small compared to the new love that developed in my early childhood. As a kid, I loved reading. I was an introvert who loved to read while sitting in the car, walking down the street, and lying on the bed. One day, I read an encyclopedia page about a cheetah, and it immediately grabbed my attention. Cheetahs are fascinating animals that are fastest land animals. They can run up to seventy to seventy-five mph and accelerate from zero to sixty mph in less than three seconds, which is faster than most supercars. After reading the encyclopedia on cheetah, cheetah became my favorite animal. I memorized all the nifty things about cheetah and somehow found ways to bring it up in a conversation. In my head, cheetahs were the coolest and the strongest animals in the wild.
Just out of curiosity, I decided to look up the characteristics of a cheetah as a totem animal. As a totem animal, cheetah represents speed and flexibility. Cheetah people have “great capacity to feel and respond quickly to the hurt of others.”[1] I used to be very compassionate little kid. I could not pass any poor homeless person without begging my mom to donate something small for the poor man, and whenever I saw people avoid a hobo, I felt bad and wondered why anyone would be so heartless to ignore the poor and weak. The other characteristic of a cheetah person describes my past self really well: “Cheetah people tend to be solitary and have a select few they trust and bond with.”[2] As I stated earlier, I used to be very introverted and anti-social. Television, books, and comic books were my friends, and I disliked going outside to play with other kids. However, there was this one kid named Sea-Jin that I really loved to hang out with. He was a popular guy at my school, but he and I went way back to pre-kindergarten. Other than him, I didn’t have many “friends.” According to the Course Anthology, one’s totem animal is the one that answers the question: “Are there any animals that you find to be extremely frightening or intriguing"[3] Cheetah used to be the answer to that question, and seeing as how the description of a cheetah person fits so perfectly, I am sure my totem animal used to be a cheetah.
However, my personality changed when I moved to the United States eight years ago. I don’t know what made me change so much, but I became a whole new person. I changed from looks to personality that my old “friends” from Korea cannot recognize me at first. Even my best friend could not recognize me at one glance. I used to wonder what changed me, but after finding my totem animal is a horse, I think I might have found the answer to my question. I do not know if change of totem animal is possible, but if it is possible, then that would explain a lot about the changes I went through in America. I will never really understand why my totem animal became a horse; I guess that is just part of the question to find the totem animal: “Have you ever felt drawn to one animal or another without being able to explain why?” [4] I really cannot explain why I am drawn to horses. I have ridden a horse once in my life and that is it. I have seen them in ranches as I drive by few, but I never really got to interact with one. However, after reading the description of horse people, I think I slowly understand why my power animal is a horse.
Horses represent travel, power, and freedom.[5] New journeys await horse people, and indeed my journey to America has been a significant one. My journey to America has also led to freedom; I attained freedom from the conservative Korean mindset. I still strive to have more freedom of my own. Even in college, it is hard to have freedom from parents when one’s parents are typical Asian parents who are always on one’s back. Lastly, for last eight years, I strived to be in position of power in high school. I was the captain of the fencing team, president of a club, and the head of a local volunteer organization. Perhaps, my totem animal helped me on my journey to achieve all that. More importantly, as a horse person, I am friendly and adventurous, which describe my personality perfectly. My recent personality test revealed that I was ENFJ person, meaning I am very extroverted, and as an extrovert, I love to go out on an adventure and try new things. This is totally the opposite of my old self who disliked going out and socializing. Perhaps, I lost interest in cheetah because I am no longer a cheetah person by description. My new freed self loves to socialize and make new friends. Unlike my old self, I am amiable and talkative; basically, I am a social animal that cannot sustain without socializing. Whether my totem animal caused the change or followed the change that occurred to me is still uncertain; nevertheless, I like the new horse self with more confidence and friends
Throughout my life, I have a strong feeling that I have had two totem animals. First was a cheetah, who guided me through my solitary life in Korea, and second and my current one is a horse, who is guiding me to new directions and adventures. As I went through changes, I think my totem animals also changed. Perhaps change of totem animals triggered the changes within me; maybe, it is the other way around, and the changes within me caused my power animals to change. I still do not really understand why cheetah and horse became my power animals, but I feel that they have always been here for me and shaped me into a person I am now. My journey began with a cheetah guiding my introverted self and teaching me to be a compassionate being and continues with a horse teaching me the meaning of power and freedom and taking me on adventures. In retrospect, my cheetah self’s life style has been too boring and anti-social. I know that my journey with my power animal horse is going to be fun, exciting, and full of surprises. It is really intriguing to see how mythical things such as totem animals serve as evidence to show why my personality is the way it is.
